Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
