I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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