i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
