You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
