they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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