My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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