please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize