He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
