Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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