But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize