Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
