Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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