How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
