I think I can smell my own vagina right now
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
