can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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