i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
