Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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