Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
