Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
