the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The power of my boobs compel you
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
