she smelled like a LAN party
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize