yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
