my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The best revenge is premature balding
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
