I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
