"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
