So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
