smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
