Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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