No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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