i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
