Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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