Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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