come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
