And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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