areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
