I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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