Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
youre lurking in front of me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
