you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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