i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
