I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think my mom watched the whole time
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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