Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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