And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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