OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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