He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
