ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
