The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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