So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
