i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
