I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
