we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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