she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
