my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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