one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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