I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
