just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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