You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
