apparently the secret to your success is patron
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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