I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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