Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
