PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
