Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
