Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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