what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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