put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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