I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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