I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
