If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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