sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
two words: eviction party
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hippo gnu deer
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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