if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
