Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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