things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
