At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
