we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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