I wish they made helmets for livers.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
