my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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