you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize