The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
