dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
