it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
